dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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