Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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