I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
