There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
