i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
