Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
