I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
