He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
