everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
