I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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