I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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