Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
