i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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