One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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