just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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