: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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