Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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