dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
