can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
