i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
