how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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