Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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