Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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