he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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