Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
