I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He kissed a someone with a penis
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
