at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
