I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My breasts were aching with rage.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
