i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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