I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
