I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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