I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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