so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
