found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
