Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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