Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
