noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
