I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
