Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
