I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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