she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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