Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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