Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
