Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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