Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
