U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
