We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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