you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
