even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
