So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize