I haven't been this sober since birth.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
