if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
