I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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