Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Randomize
