hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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