awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
