I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
