this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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