One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
