Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
