just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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