There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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