i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
