Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
