Is it because I queefed?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
