Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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