he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
