you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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