Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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