I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
