batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
