So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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