A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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