I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
