I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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