Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
