party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
