sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize