weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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