He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
