i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
