Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
