well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
