Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
