Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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