Plan B is the new Plan A
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
