I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
