so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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