Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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