i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
