Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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