Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
